In a previous article, we talked in general terms about the act and experience of sexual meditation, which is a key element of sexual mindfulness. In this article, we look in more detail at exactly how to do it, because once it’s learned, it can’t be unlearned, and it could will represent the gateway to a wholly more fulfilling type of sex for you and your partner(s).
First: Start Simple
If you’ve never tried meditation, or tried practicing mindfulness, outside the bedroom, then now’s a good time to start. The easiest way to bring mindfulness into the bedroom is to start outside it, in your everyday life, with a kind of general but structured approach. This could include simply sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, or more dedicated, guided meditation using an app like Calm or Headspace.
These will help develop your ability to concentrate on the moment and be present in your normal life, and these skills can then be taken to bed with you.
Second: Grab A Partner
Meditation exercises are most effective when they’re shared. It’s the most fun way to learn, and if you’re practising mindfulness to enhance your sexual satisfaction, then why not take the journey together?
Try this. Sit back to back with your partner, and do a sense scan. That’s when you try to clear your mind and focus on your senses, taking note of exactly how your body feels in that moment, from head to toe. Take notice of where you’re tense, and where you’re relaxed. Focus on the places where you’re in contact with your partner, and concentrate on the textures, pressures and temperatures you’re experiencing. These are things that you can also focus on in sexual encounters too.
Third: Eyes Open
Most of us tend to close our eyes during meditation. That’s totally normal and we’re not recommending altering that, particularly not if it works for you, which it probably does. It can help eliminate distractions and obstacles. However, a lack of eye contact can often inhibit the deep connection with a partner.
Mindfulness is all about connection, with yourself, as well as a partner. To develop the ability to meditate with your eyes open, look for mindful moments when you’re sitting at a window or gazing at plants around your home, examining each element individually.
Exploring the beauty of something when your meditating with your eyes open outside the bedroom is a skill that can easily be transferred into the bedroom, to help refine and sense the connection with a partner. That eye contact can then be used as an anchor to reestablish a mindful state if you feel like you’re being dragged out of it.
Then, try kissing with your eyes open, focusing only on the sensations. If that’s comfortable and exciting, try learning to have sex with your eyes open too. We promise, it’s a whole new experience.
Fourth: Think Sex
We all get invasive and wandering thoughts during sex. If you recognise that’s happening to you, catch the thought, acknowledge it, and transform it into a sexual thought. Use that distracting thought to your advantage. Eventually, with practice, you might not need this bridge and might be able to simply drop the thought to focus on the intensity of a touch or smell in the moment.
Fifth: Go Slow To Go Fast
Slowing down during sex is a lot harder than it sounds, and it takes commitment and practise. Try really, really slow sexual intimacy and activities. Slow your foreplay right down, and make every action slow motion.
This way, the economy of touch becomes important, and every sensation will feel deliberate. It’s an incredibly and intensely intimate experience, heightening your senses and allowing you to be really present.